Old Man Worriedly Tells Children Not To Purchase Box of Duskmourn: "There's Evil In Them Cards"

Sanderson's Ridge, VT - A local elderly card shop owner recently warned a group of teenage customers away from pre-purchasing a box of the upcoming Magic: The Gathering set Duskmourn: House of Horror.

Huster Ogilvy is owner of The Dragon's Horde Cards and Collectibles, the LGS at the end of Dead Pine Road. While his business has been struggling lately, he still stopped a group of customers from making a reservation for a box of Duskmourn, the haunted-house-based set coming in September.

"Them cards ain't right," explained Ogilvy methodically rocking back and forth in a chair on his store's porch. "Something's wrong about 'em. I've been a Magic player and shop owner for over two decades, and lived through some of the most terrifying sets. Innistrad had scary spirits, Rise of The Eldrazi was chock-full'a otherworldly horrors, and Modern Horizons 2 brought us Grief, eugh." (at this point Ogilvy visibly shivered)

"None of that compares to what I've seen in them Duskmourn packs. We've barely got a taste of what's to come thanks to Spolier Season '24, which is worse and more detrimental than the Blizzard of '88. Already we've seen a goddarn 'spider toy' that makes my skin crawl just lookin' at it, the physical manifestation of FOMO, or whatever you kids call it, and a damned chainsaw! I'm tryin' to play a card game, not be reminded of the yardwork I'm skippin' out on to play a card game!

"It's unnatural is what it is. And it completely goes against the heart'a Magic! This is a game about beings from other worlds crossing impossible barriers to do battle with fantastical creatures. Dr. Richard Garfield didn't want his fantasy game to have VCRs and ghosts made of static, or references to Scooby Doo and stuff like that. This is all hogwash, and it's downright evil, I tell ya!"

The group eventually conceded to the old man's demands and instead bought a dust-covered box of Unhinged that Ogilvy had been trying to get rid of for years.