Animal Control Tells Concerned Citizens To Stop Calling About Bloomburrow Release
Louisville, KY - Local animal control agents are asking people to stop contacting them about "animal infestations" they've seen at game shops running release events for Bloomburrow, the new Magic: The Gathering set.
Bloomburrow, as depicted in the art and advertising, is filled with creatures great and small, including Birds, Otters, and Mice. Some local residents have misunderstood the ads and think the animals have infested the city.
"We've been getting complaints about these Bloomburrow critters for weeks now," Officer Grant Munnica of the Louisville Animal Control Department said in a tired and weary tone. "We've had folks calling and screaming about rats, frogs, and rabbits causing a ruckus around various game shops. We never get the calls from inside the game store; it's always some looky-loo driving past and seeing a magical raccoon in the window, then in distress they call us. They apparently have advertising blindness or something and think the damn thing's real!
"As it is, we're the wrong people to contact; we mainly handle normal pets like dogs and cats and the occasional snake won at a state fair. If you've got a squirrel infestation issue you're better off calling someone like The Animal Ville-ans, those weirdos with the big billboards all over town."
Taking his advice, we contacted The Animal Ville-ans, a Louisville-based pest control company, to see if they'd also received calls about the Bloomburrow beasts. We were then put in contact with the company's best exterminator, Alvin Berkland, who confirmed they had.
"Oh yeah, we've got them calls too, and followed through on most of 'em," explained Berkland while chewing a wad of tobacco and smoking a cigarette. "They've been some of the easiest jobs I've worked on! Someone'll call and say they saw some lizards or bats hanging around these game shop windows and lying around on tables. So we show up, dispose of these cardboard things they claim are pests, and then the weirdos who called pay up. Sure the people in the shops get mad, but a quick spray of formaldehyde will keep them nerds at bay. Plus I'm starting to collect the 'animal' cards we're eliminating; look at how cute that Bakersbane Duo is, they're so damned adorable!"
At press time, Officer Munnica recieved a call from a Commander player who was upset Maha, Its Feathers Night was infesting every black deck he played against.
